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Author Topic: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?  (Read 50651 times)

Trajector Media

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How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« on: January 28, 2010, 06:05:38 am »
How has your family and friends been dealing with your disability?

Have things changed since you either applied or went on disability?

Please share your experiences?
I speak from experience not expertise.

xnidra

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2010, 02:35:50 pm »
My friends have almost disappeared.They don't understand what it is like financially for me.I have to count every penny now because they are few and far between.They still go out and do things and I just can't do it anymore.My family has been as supportive as they can be but again financially you tend to lean on them because this process forces you to and they can grow a bit tired of it too.They know I can't work but I don't think they realized how long it would take for me to pay them back and now it is starting to be a bit of a burden on everyone.This process really takes it out of you.It's really tough.I guess it does help you realize who your real friends are though.

russ1956x

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2010, 11:40:04 pm »
yes, I totally understand that.   My friends all go out and spend money like "normal" people.  When I tell them that I can't go to the movies with them, they ask why?  I try to explain that $12 is alot of money and they just laugh.  I think the only thing that keeps me sane is the fact that I grew up poor, and know how to live poor.  I am lucky that I paid my house off in 2002, just before becoming disabled.   I am waiting on a decision and possible remand by the Appeals Council.  The decision is probably going to come in by the end of May.  Then, if i am allowed to have another hearing, another 3 months to schedule the hearing, 3 more months to have the hearing, then maybe 7 months (it was that long the last time) to get an answer.  I can hold out until then, but not any longer.  I would have to sell my house at that time.   Back to the the family.  I have a 18 y/o son that lives with me.  He is my true support and is what I live for.  He is so helpful with the things I can no long do.  Housework, laundry, taking care of the dogs, driving me to dr. appointments, grocery shopping.  He never complains and is very understanding of my situation.  If I get approved, I will pay for him and a friend of his choice to go on an cruise.  He deserves even more. 

Trajector Media

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2010, 01:41:46 pm »
You are very lucky Russ to have a son like you do.  Most 18 year olds are more concerned with themselves then others.  You must have done an amazing job raising him.  I hope things work out well for you.  I would love to know how it goes with the appeals council.  Are you using an attorney? 

I totally get what you guys are saying about friends too.  Mine like to go out to clubs and drink and have fun and I am just in a different place in my life right now and they just don't get it.  They haven't had to grow up and face alot of the realities I have.  I realized I just needed some new friends instead of becoming a hermit.  I think that is something we all need to do.  Find NEW support instead of looking towards those that could never understand what we are going through.
I speak from experience not expertise.

dolphinfan66

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2010, 12:44:07 pm »
SUPERSTAR your words-Find NEW support instead of looking towards those that could never understand what we are going through.- was the answer ive been looking for.My girlfriend thinks its ok to make jokes about my condition and the fact that i see a psychiatrist to her friends and family, wish cuases me great embarrassment and humiliation. I finally told her it was very hurtful and degrading for her to do this to me,and that if i win my benefits i am moving out,if i dont win, im still moving out,men's shelter if need be.No support,no compassion,no heart i can not deal with anymore. Thnx for letting me vent, i feel much better and calmer. :)

Dragon Fly

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2010, 02:22:09 pm »
Hi Dolphin Fan, I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriend makes comments like that, and I am so glad that you said something to her, and are now feeling a sense of empowerment that you can and will be okay on your own, if need be. It's very hard for people to understand what others are going through when we don't "look" particularly sick. And it's just as hard for us with disabilities who often feel like prisoners in our own bodies and minds. To me there is nothing better than hearing the words "Me too."

I'm grateful that my family and friends have been extremely supportive of my physical disability, but I have the "pick yourself up by the bootstraps" kind of upbringing where mental illness is rampant but basically frowned upon or almost worse, hush-hushed. And my boyfriend, bless him, tries to understand but has no clue why I cry or go to therapy or am continuously on a quest for relief from this anguish that appears to be self-made.

It's a riddle. Keep Going!
>;<
Dragon Fly
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." --  Friedrich Nietzsche

deloyd777

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2010, 02:27:51 pm »
Marci, you have no idea. Now that I'm home all the time, these folks pester me to no end. My Sisters and Brother-In-Laws somehow have the impression I am interested in their personal affairs. My kid and Daughter-In-Law think I've opened a new dare care center. Friends and neighbors apparently mistakenly believe I'm lonely and need their constant companionship.

 God I miss the peace and serenity my good ole truck used to offer me :-(


Dragon Fly

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2010, 02:57:39 pm »
PS, going back to the original question about how things have changed since I applied for SSDI....NO ONE understands what the process of applying for SSDI is like except for those who actually go through it. My family and friends kind of have that "well! throw it to the wind! now you can relax because it's all out of your hands" kind of attitude. But it actually feels like the opposite.

Relax?
>;<
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." --  Friedrich Nietzsche

deloyd777

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2010, 07:16:04 pm »
Kind of along those same lines, the general public (including myself before I applied) have this idea you just walk into these government agencies, and they instantly hand you money, no questions asked.


Dragon Fly

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2010, 08:49:43 pm »
Yep, my best friend of 21 years at first was abhorred that I would ever even consider it. "Can't we get a little creative about what you could do?" I was stunned. But, I get it. I do. It's really hard to distinguish "giving up" because you want to and "giving in" because you have to...
>;<
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." --  Friedrich Nietzsche

myaccount

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2010, 09:03:23 pm »
Yep, my best friend of 21 years at first was abhorred that I would ever even consider it. "Can't we get a little creative about what you could do?"

"Get a little creative" ... as in what? Counterfeiting??? It's awfully hard to live without any income ....

Mousey

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2010, 09:53:28 pm »
My family has been really supportive to me. Especially my hubby. But he knows, he's been there and walked the path. He is so scared that I'm going to die and leave him alone. He always thought he would be the first to go, but I can tell he feels differently now. The hardest thing for me is my best friend has moved on, (from me). I can no longer can go on those shopping trips, yard sales and run around with her. I miss not being able to do those things with her anymore and I understand she can, and she should. Sometimes life is just not how you thought it would be. But you have to keep pushing on one way or another. If not for yourself, then for your family!

Dragon Fly

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2010, 11:53:42 pm »
Very true, Mousey. Sometimes it's hard to remember all the things we do have despite whatever suffering we are going through. Sigh. I can understand that you and your hubby have done everything together for all those years...but no more heart attacks!!! That's an order. Don't make me get out my horns!
>;<

Dee...I know....uuuuughhhhh. I would like to creatively give a spanking.
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." --  Friedrich Nietzsche

Mousey

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2010, 12:35:10 am »
Dragon Fly ....LOL Don't you be getting those Horns out on me. I plan on sticking around for a long time. Gotta keep you all smiling at my silly jokes.  :D
« Last Edit: November 17, 2010, 12:38:26 am by Mousey »

myaccount

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Re: How has your family been dealing with this whole process?
« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2010, 01:00:19 pm »
Kind of along those same lines, the general public (including myself before I applied) have this idea you just walk into these government agencies, and they instantly hand you money, no questions asked.

For some reason this thread has brought back memories of something that happened when I was a little bitty 19-year-old and that is probably adding to my anxiety over this whole application process. If y'all will permit me to ramble a little I'd appreciate it.

At that point in my life I'd ended up stranded on the east coast and in a job that paid almost no money (long story). I knew I couldn't go on that way, so I was determined to save enough money to come back to the west coast and pay one month's rent and tuition for one semester of college. And I managed to do it! I was so proud of myself.

But as that first month was coming to an end, I still hadn't been able to find a job. I was down to my last $5 (literally). I even tried to sell my blood but couldn't because I was anemic (gee, I wonder why). I was desperate, so spent part of that $5 on a bus ride to go downtown and apply for food stamps.

I had to wait in line for hours, only to be told "Since you're in college, you have to be working at least half-time to get food stamps." What sense did that make?!?! I cried and cried, but the rules were the rules.

Well, my fairy godmother must have been looking out for me because the very next day I got a half-time job at minimum wage. It was such a relief.

Now I wasn't desperate any more - I was used to making do on very little money. But since the woman at the food-stamp office said that I'd be eligible for food stamps if I was working half-time, it seemed like it would be foolish to pass that up.

So I took the bus downtown again ... waited in line for hours and hours ... only to be told that since I was working half-time at minimum wage I was earning too much money to get food stamps.

True story. I guess I've been wary ever since of government gotchas. :-[