How has your family been dealing with this whole process?

[Dragon Fly]

Pati, I just LOVE that story so much. I actually feel somewhat similar about my boyfriend. We've been together 5 years and well, when we met he was set on being a "bachelor for life." And I was just coming out of a bad marriage, so I was Miss Independent. This past year and a half since the accident and surgery, I have never sen someone do such a 180. He has right before my eyes become this caring, amazing person and we are moving in together in a couple of weeks because I can not work. At the beginning of the relationship I was someone who often chose the hard way to do things and never could ask for or accept any help. Now, little by little, I have finally been able to let him help me. I honestly have to fight those "why does he still love me?" feelings all the time, but it's a fun battle to have.

Thank you for sharing and reminding me that I wouldn't have it any other way.
>;<

[Kittyholic]

I honestly have to fight those "why does he still love me?" feelings all the time, but it's a fun battle to have.

Thank you for sharing and reminding me that I wouldn't have it any other way.
>;<

I fight those feelings all the time myself. Especially the days when I take my pain out on him. He is the last person that deserves it. And, I sometimes wonder how he keeps such a cheerful attitude.

The only other way I would have it would be to have BOTH him and health! But, if I can only have one - I choose him!

[Dragon Fly]

I thought you were going to say, they only way I'd rather have it is if we BOTH were in pain. I wouldn't wish that on my worst frenemy because when my man is in pain.....Watch Out! Pretty? Not so much...
>;<

[Sharbear50]

I feel for all  of you as I know how hard all this is. I can overlook my husband's comments like, "don't you remember" and "no whining". It is my eldest sister and her husband that bothers me. They have a lot of comments about people "living off the system". Then there are the friends and family that only want to complain about their aches and pains. All I know is I am tired of hurting all the time, head aches (migraines?), shaking hands, cramping legs, prismatic vision flashing and worrying about losing my home. It all sucks. My husband does support me most of the time and I am thankful for that.

[Mousey]

Sharon,
I know how hard it is. People have no idea, until they have walked a mile in one of our shoes. They have NO IDEA!! I guess we just have to show patience or snap on them. Which ever makes you feel better works. lol. I'm glad you have your hubby's support. I'm thankful for mine to. My hubby is on SSDI now. He got it the first try. And can't figure out why I've been turned down. He's even willing to try and go back to work  just to support me in my claim. (he feels like I'm worse off than he is). But we will make it. He's not able to work anymore either. We'll just live on bologna and beans and shut the heat off to a few of the rooms, take showers instead of baths. Shut lights off when not in use, you know all the cost cutting things and we'll get by. We have to. Just as you guys will. Something will turn up for you guys.

I'm here anytime you need to talk. Just give me a shout.

Hugs
Mousey

[Trajector Media]

Sharon,
     I am sorry there are people in your life that don't think before they speak.  I come from a family full of them.  They feel that as long as they are around "family" they can say anything they want even if it is hurtful and just plain wrong.  I try to avoid them like the plague.  I have found that I have enough things in my life that are hard so when I can control negativity by not being around it, I do. 

My husband taught me the beauty of being assertive while remaining polite.  I have found it to be a very effective tool.  When someone says something I find offensive, I tell them " I find that offensive".  Oddly enough it tends to shut them up.  Most people are not used to assertiveness so it throws them off balance. 

[waitsince08]

My husband is bi-polar, plus he has many physical problems.  he got approved the first time over ten years ago.  i think that some people start to doubt us when we don't get approved right away.  i tell him that if he tried to get ssdi now, maybe he would have a harder time and he would understand what i go through.  i don't mean to say it, but when other 'disabled' people judge us, it makes what i am going through even harder, and i get upset.  Sometimes he is understanding, but other times he is not.  my sister is understanding now, but sometimes she says "maybe the fact that you weren't approved should be taken as a hint that you should give up and go back to work".  But, i am standing my ground, as it has gotten difficult to even do the simplest things.  in fact the only job i would be good at right now is to be a 'sleep model".  yes, i just made that job up.  They can put a 24 hour camera on me, and watch me sleep, snore, grind my teeth, writhe in pain, cough, wheeze, and take pills and inhalers all day long.  i would really excel at that job, too.

[Mousey]

Marci,
I love it.........

" I find that offensive".  Oddly enough it tends to shut them up.  Most people are not used to assertiveness so it throws them off balance. 

I am for sure going to try that one!!!

Waitsince, I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Especially when people put those words in your head. Maybe we should both try Marci's approach and shut some folks up! My hubby feels guilty that he was approved on the first try and I was not. He always says, I feel bad I was approved when there are people out there like you getting denied. I try and reassure him, that he is within his rights to receive that approval and eventually we all will to. I just pray about it and leave it in God's hands. That how I cope with it.

Hugs
Mousey

[waitsince08]

oh i definitely see my husband struggle daily, so i am glad he was approved so easily.  i just think that as the years go by, and there are more claimants, they get stricter each year and deny more.  When he talks to others, he says it's not fair that i have to be denied like this, but to my face when he is mad if i can't do a simple thing like go to the store, he makes his negative comments.

[se0269]

Wait Since08,
I won't pretend to make excuses for your husband, however in my humble opinion I think that bipolar individuals are one of the most fragile groups of people on this planet.  My best friend who is bipolar is a fantastic cook, more friend than a person can ask for and very very bright. It used to hurt my feelings when we had a good conversation going and then all of a certain I would not hear from him for two weeks or more. He used to be the funniest and brightest person on this planet until he stopped drinking eventhough he had a good job and was sharp his hold work day. I could go to him for information to write music and then he trusted his life with  his health insurance company! The first thing his healthcare provider did was put him on 150mg of Lyrica a day with some other Psyche drugs. Shockingly he was very productive and very responsible. Then his healthcare provider played the lets change psychiatrist game and took him off the Lyrica, which should be tapered off, but the healthcare provider could care less and he spiralled out of control. It has been getting close to 3 months and I don't know if he is alive or dead, but he is not at work. What I learned from my best friend is that bipolar people go from sugar to horrible in no time, but my friend never showed that type of mood swing with me, maybe that was the reason he would go weeks without calling or answering his phone. I learned from first hand experience that bipolar, and Schizophrenic people suffer very bad during their episodes. Its difficult to live with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde as opposed to leaving the movie or cutting off the TV. I have to stop and say to myself this person is suffering too. What I have learned is it is hard for the  bipolar and the Schizophrenic that I live with to have problems with positive responses.  She can only feed off disagreements. My wife used to be the most jealous person on this planet and I would work long hours and get accused, so I got a smart streak and when my wife hit me with the where you been line I said "I was getting a room set up for that hot moviestar" my wife replied " Take your silly butt to sleep, or do you want me to cook you something to eat first"? I started listening and it paid dividends.

[Dragon Fly]

Good point(s) Rallen....your friend likely dropped off the face of the earth during his up or down times. The same thing happens with depression and anxiety. I have "phases." And I really did do a disappearing act throughout many relationships in my life, never explaining, or knowing why. Just always assuming that those people no longer cared about me so I did not deserve toi come back into their lives.

My boyfriend, bless him, puts up with a LOT. I have many moods....but jealous and suspicious seems to top the list. I don't know why! And I am working on it. I tend to 1) assume everything is my fault 2) assume everyone is talking about me 3) assume everything is a lie and 4) know that assuming makes an ASS out of U and ME and that still doesn't help me!!

I have worked verrrry hard at correcting my moods before they become napalm but sometimes I find myself in one, pissed or sulking for no apprent reason, and I have to snap my mental rubber band and come back to the land of the living. It's a daily struggle...but some does get lots better with practice and honest friends!!!

xo,
>;<
Dragon Fly

[se0269]

Dragon Fly,
My wife and I got married by a Justice of the Peace in a small city and we were so angry with each other we did not know what to do. I don't remember a time in the 30 years we were both angry, but this was it. I asked the Justice of the Peace how much this was going to cost and the justice of the peace asked "Well how much is she worth?" And I said $20.00 and he married us and said you can kiss the bride and I went to the car without looking back. I have never once thought about renewing my marriage vows because why would I mess with something that has worked for 30plus years? Repeating once again what my sister told me many many years ago: People close to a person will give that person the hardest time because the person giving the person the hard time knows the other person will still be around because that person loves them unconditionally. Hopefully you will see the gold and diamonds in your First Man and shower him with love more love frequently. I just decided that God put me on earth to take care of that special person and that is my job now. Be good.

[waitsince08]

thank you all for sharing your experiences.  yes, although my husband can be a butthead sometimes, the fact is that i love him dearly and could not live without him.  i have been trying to learn about bipolar disorder, and i try to look at what i may be doing to make him mad.  Sometimes after he has a mood swing, he goes back to normal later on.  i guess i just have to learn to live with it.  i am probably not a breath of fresh air to live with either, lol.  thanks again everyone.

[Dragon Fly]

Rallen, thank you.............consider yourself **heard**.

Magic Happens,
>;<
Dragon Fly

[Trajector Media]

Rallen,
     Really well said, thank you.  It is a good reminder.
Marci

Waitsince,
     The two important things I have learned in my marriage is to just be honest and choose your moments.  The other thing I have found is that my husband needs to feel like he is taking care of me, so I make sure he knows that no matter how good or bad things are, I would choose him all over again and how safe I feel with him.  That seems to work pretty well.
Marci